i’m fine… everything is fine…
The year was 2020… I was fresh off maternity leave with my twins, and had barely dipped my toes back into work when the pandemic hit, and before we even figured out how to properly label the bottles for daycare, we were back home figuring out not only how to juggle two infants and a 4-year-old, but how to add work and something that loosely resembled a daycare curriculum to the mix.
Fortunately, my husband was working remote as well, and we had a strong village to help us through. Although it was tough - and we were a hot mess emotionally, physically and mentally for the majority of it… we made it, as did millions of other people. Not only did we sustain a life that - from the outside looking in - was unsustainable, but we did it for over a year.
Fast forward to current day… and the moments we may find ourselves on the struggle bus with schedules, and the day-in and day-out of navigating our beautifully chaotic world with three kids. These are the moments I think back to 2020 (and all that came with it) and remind myself of what we learned and applied during that time, including:
1) Controling what we could control
2) Putting systems in place for the things we repeated on a recurring basis
3) Asking for, and utilizing, help
4) Pressing the brakes when needed
5) Setting boundaries and ditching any guilt about it
6) Adding routines and schedules (tried and true game-changers)
6) Spending time alone every day
7) Finding an outlet
In full transparency, I don’t always do these things consistently. And when our routine shifts (e.g. introducing summer camp, after-school activities, more social events, etc. etc.) we have to figure out a new rhythm and re-evaluate how we can incorporate the aforementioned… but the more we figure out how to pivot - and find the things we can control - we anchor to them and it’s easier and easier to do it again when things change.
Putting on a poker face and pretending to have it all together (a.k.a. the “I’m fine…everything is fine” mentality) may be a detriment to yourself and others. The real parenting flex in my humble opinion is being cognizant of your limits…understanding how your personality or character traits impact how you parent (and how things affect you as a parent), listening to your mind, body and soul, and being vocal before sh*t hits the fan.
Let me know in the comments below if and how you realized it’s okay not to be okay as a parent… and incorporated ways to make a change.